04.17.10 - Relient K

"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been"

I watched the proverbial sunrise
Coming up over the Pacific and
You might think I'm losing my mind,
But I will shy away from the specifics...

'cause I don't want you to know where I am
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus]
Stop right there. That's exactly where I lost it.
See that line. Well I never should have crossed it.
Stop right there. Well I never should have said
That it's the very moment that
I wish that I could take back.

[Chorus]
I'm sorry for the person I became.
I'm sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

I talk to absolutely no one.
Couldn't keep to myself enough.
And the things bottled inside have finally begun
To create so much pressure that I'll soon blow up.

I heard the reverberating footsteps
Synching up to the beating of my heart,
And I was positive that unless I got myself together,
I would watch me fall apart.

And I can't let that happen again
'cause then you'll see my heart
In the saddest state it's ever been.

This is no place to try and live my life.

[Pre-Chorus x2]
[Chorus]

Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am will take the second chance you gave me.
Who I am hates who I've been
'cause who I've been only ever made me...

So sorry for the person I became.
So sorry that it took so long for me to change.
I'm ready to be sure I never become that way again
'cause who I am hates who I've been.
Who I am hates who I've been.

this sums things up for the most part.. not exact but close.

04.16.10 - Flashback

OMFG! So I went to my old photobucket accounts and found billions of amazing pictures from back in the day. I'm going to have to post them :D

I'm so excited!

04.14.10 - Follow Your Heart

Aristotle once said, "Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all," and as of lately I've been feeling this way. I've been asking myself if all those that say to follow my heart, listen to my heart, etc. are right? I've been educating my mind in the sense that I just keep thinking about what's "right" and what's the better things in life but my heart says something totally different. I don't know what to do or say these days. I mean I know what I want - I think my greatest fear never changed; hurting someone.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I wish things were easier. I feel like an idiot these days...

04.08.10 - $30,000

Okay, so my dad is a Disabled War Veteran and he recently found out that all these years he was supposed to be paid extra a month for having a spouse & dependents... apparently $30,000 is owed to him. I think I should get some. After all this magic money is coming because I exist :p

Side note: I love how the tornado alarms are were going off last night and I was getting in the car to go to work. I hate how Walmart won't excuse that. Hate that place.

I've been thinking I may go get my dog grooming license while I'm going to school to be a Vet. Tech. Then I'll be a Vet. Tech while I go to school to be a Veterinarian. I think it just may be a solid plan. We'll see. Either way I need to get out of Walmart.

I also need to find an Indiana college that is under my COV list that has General Studies online that doesn't require me to be attend the campus because right now it's not a problem but once Max and I get stationed I won't be able to travel to Indiana for class lol. Plus I don't want to start school and then after Max gets stationed find out that I have to drop my classes because they won't let me finish them out of state. This Navy Wife thing is going to be a pain in my ass - it's already started. Ughhh.

04.06.10 - That Feeling

It's been months since I've updated this. My reasoning is acceptable, I swear; I haven't had access to internet (that didn't include children, preteens, and obnoxious teens looking over my shoulder at my neighbors house) so I haven't really been able to get on here and update.

Anyways, I've been feeling pretty down lately. I'm still working at Wal-Mart, it's pretty lame.

I went to Tampa, FL recently to visit all my friends from High School and to celebrate my 21st Birthday. It was pretty awesome. I realized I haven't been as happy as I was during that visit in a very very long time (years). It actually hurt my cheeks to smile and laugh as much as I did. Funny how this is supposed to be the happiest time of my life (married, early 20's, etc.). Oh well.

Sorry this entry isn't really cheerful and very unclear about why I've been so blue, I just don't get the privacy I need online to share so I'm off to grab a cigarette and sit outside with my diary, I'll share with her my thoughts and dreams that have me picturing an idealistic future.

07.13.09 - Life is coming together

Okay, so I think we've established that I completely and utterly suck at keeping up with a blog. Well, even my journal hasn't been touched in 6+ months. I forgot about it until the other day when I was cleaning and found it in my laptop bag. Teehee.
Over the past few months a lot of good things have happened to Max & I; don't get me wrong there's been a few bad things but I'm not even going to touch those topics, why stir up what's already drifted away? The RamCharger should be up & legally running by tomorrow, which is just in time because Marizel, my step-mom, will have to have her car back because her current car, the Prius, will have expired plates. I ALSO won a contest for a $20 gift certificate to Dismantled Fashions which pleased the CRAP out of me because I never win contests! Then today I had a job offer working 10pm-7am (which is what I was wanting because Max & I will be working around the same time, thus seeing eachother) paying $1.50 more, way more than I thought; when the topic of a promotion came up I thought it would only be a 20 or 40 cent raise. I will continue being full time & I'll be the head overnight processor & will be training 2 other associates that will be hired in the next few weeks. It's going to be so nice having the same hours every day AND having the same days off!! Now all we have to do is save money for a new car & our own place! I can't wait!!!

The only negative experience that is on my mind is my dad. He went to the ER yesterday because he's had a pain in his abdomen that has been around for over 6 months; it was a problem before Max & I moved here. His doctor at the VA kept telling him it was nothing. All it was was his hernia & acid reflux, no biggie. Well when he went the to ER they discovered that his pain is from his Gall Bladder. The doctors are currently scheduling surgery for him to get it removed. He was given morphine at the hospital and when he came home he had codine & vicodine and still was in way too much pain. He still went to work today. I can't wait to see him better. It'll turn out well, I know. It's just waiting for it blows.

Well I will talk to you all in a few months, lol. It'll probably be in a few days or weeks. We'll see. If I had more comments or readers I'd probably update this thing more *nudge*

05.01.09 - Car Insurance

Alright so my husband has decided that he's going to buy a Camo 1975 Ram Charger for $1000. Okay that's fine, it's his car, his paychecks, and you know it's okay if it looks like a shitty car because where we live most people purposely have crap for cars because people will break in and steal it (our co-worker didn't think his car would be in any danger b/c it had no stereo..the guys took his battery). So now the trick is.... what's a good car insurance company?

So far looking online for quotes I've found Geico to be the most affordable with the best coverage for what we need, but I really need to see what other insurance companies are out there that I don't know about. Any advice or recommendations would be great.